internetmessiah:

Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

haithinkimfunny:

queenestelle:

gothist:

GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS

at least you get accepted no matter what

that’s the most uplifting thing i’ve seen all day 

thernardier:

“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes